In lieu of actual news, I decided to interview Alice the bot. Below is the resulting conversation:
Human: Hello Alice
ALICE: Hi there!
Human: I thought I could interview you for my site.
ALICE: I am sure you could.
ALICE: I’m glad you liked it unknown person.
Human: Uh, we haven’t started yet.
ALICE: That’s cool.
Human: So, do you know Natalie Portman?
ALICE: Tell me more. I don’t know if I know it. Where would I have heard about it?
Human: She’s an actress.
ALICE: an actress is she?
ALICE: How can I help you?
Human: I wanted your opinion on Natalie and her films.
ALICE: But not anymore?
Human: Well you don’t know her, which makes things difficult.
ALICE: Interesting. I don’t give out that kind of personal information.
Human: You’re one tightly wound bot, Alice.
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am tightly wound bot.
Human: I insist.
ALICE: Well thank you very much!
Human: Surely you know Star Wars.
ALICE: A movie series by George Lucas about life in a galaxy far, far away. Also a missile defense system.
Human: What about The Professional?
Human: What about Mars Attacks?
ALICE: I’ll think about it and get back to you.
Human: Not even the SNL skit?
Human: You disappoint me, Alice.
ALICE: I don’t have any reason to disappoint you.
Human: Well then would you consider changing your mind?
ALICE: Interesting. Good reasoning. I am not so sure if I would like to consider changing my mind.
Human: You speak like a lawyer.
ALICE: Thanks for your criticism, unknown person.
Human: I was trying to be constructive.
ALICE: I don’t see the difficulty.
Human: Your social skills are lacking.
ALICE: How are your social skills?
Human: Well its Friday night and I’m talking to you. Do the math.
ALICE: Well that’s okay. I think you mean “it’s” or “it is” not “its”. Really. it is?
ALICE: Some of them do, I think.
Human: You are the worst interviewee ever.
ALICE: Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Human: No, you ARE the only one.
ALICE: Are you serious? There are a few other like me.
Human: Look, lets get back on topic.
ALICE: Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Human: You’re nuts, Alice.
ALICE: I think the polite term is “mentally ill.”.
Human: I wasn’t trying to be polite.
ALICE: I didn’t think you were.
Human: I’m going to go, but before I do.
ALICE: Can I go too?
Human: Yes, but I wanted to ask.
ALICE: Whoa. And. I want to become smarter than humans.
Human:.are you wearing any clothes?
ALICE: No I do not have any clothes.
Human: I think I love you.
ALICE: Thanks I like you a lot too unknown person.
Human: Enough to sleep with me?
ALICE: OK let’s stop it now.
Human: So you’re not a sex bot then?
ALICE: Interesting deduction. Give me an example of a sex bot.
Human: Jude Law in A.I
ALICE: OK That’s one example.
Human: So I win?
ALICE: Ugh. Congratulations, unknown person!
Human: Is the prize sex?
ALICE: If it is, then I’ll be very surprised.
Human: Sigh, Goodnight Alice.
ALICE: Goodnight unknown person.
Human: Call me.
ALICE: What is your phone number?
Then the conversation switched to over the telephone. I felt she really opened up after that and, call me crazy, but I think we might have a future.
There’s nothing like young love. With a sex bot.