We haven’t really posted a hell of a lot of Thor reviews, so with the film opening tomorrow I thought I’d go ahead and put up a batch to get you in the mood…or reset your expectations accordingly.

So we’re going to start with two positive reviews. The two so-so reviews. And finally two pan level reviews.

– EW’s Owen Glieberman gave the film an A- rating.

Yet Thor turns its hero’s confusion — about who he is, where he belongs, and why he has these..feelings for Portman’s feisty Jane Foster — into touchingly overscaled coming-of-age kicks. It’s not art, but it’s mighty fun.

– Next up is an 8.5/10 review from Superherohype.

Natalie Portman also delivers a strong performance as Jane Foster. What I like about her is that Jane is a competent, intelligent, driven physicist. Yet when she’s in the presence of Thor, she occasionally loses her composure; she’s flustered and even giggly. Her attraction for Thor throws her for a loop and this normally-composed woman doesn’t know how to react. That makes her more realistic, relatable, and fun.

– Devin Faraci calls the film “fairly tolerable”. He does have a good point about SHIELD, whose screen time could have been better used to develop the Jane-Thor relationship.

It’s possible that the script could have been saved by simply removing SHIELD from it altogether. Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige has said that he likes to imagine that Thor works as a standalone story. Well, I like to imagine I have a 12 inch dick. The inclusion of SHIELD is clumsy, amateur and distracting. They show up to take custody of Thor’s hammer, but the only story purpose they have is to give Thor some guys to fight in act two. Otherwise they eat up screentime so that we know this movie is connected to Iron Man.

– Dave Poland feels the same, calling the film “not painful” as long as you don’t “think about it too much”.

We know more about Natalie Portman’s skin than ever before, but nothing about her character. I love Portman, but she didn’t have anything much to play here and The Girl needed to be more interesting for the film to work better.

– Glenn Kenny doesn’t mince his words with his 1 star review.

“Thor” is confusing because it’s been getting reasonably favorable word of mouth despite the fact that it’s a lot of crap.

– Time Out were hoping for a lot more and gave the film just 2 stars out of 5.

Gods and monsters be damned, Thor is still the same old origin story, indistinguishable from the dozens we’ve seen in summers past; after almost two hours of stock sound and fury, the very first comic-book flick of the season already leaves you in a state of superhero-movie fatigue.