Spoonbat vs Thor

I’m sure you’re well aware of the name, Spoonbat, by now. He does a lot to help the site, but today he gets his words featured for the first time.

Spoonbat has posted on the forum about his negative expectations for the Thor project and knowing that he’s someone who is capable of changing their minds, I thought it would be interesting to follow Spoonbat’s thoughts and expectations for the project. Can great casting or an awesome trailer make him reverse his opinion?

That’s what we’ll see. His first posting is after the jump and it in no way reflects my own fence sitting feelings about the project.

Dazza recently asked me to give my take on the new Thor project and here it is. As I already stated on the forums, I think this project is going to be fucking terrible.

Thor was always a strange and useless character. He stayed in the background and even though he had more thees and thous and thys than a Shakespeare play he apparently had the reading and thinking competence of a 6th grader. He was as dumb or dumber than Hulk and was good for little more than picking up heavy crap that the other Avengers were too weak to lift.

Even when I was a kid in the 80s and 90s Thor was old and tired. He was from the 60s, had wooden dialogue so bad it made George Lucas look like a good writer, and his enemies and storyline were stupid, at least in my opinion and in my recollection of most comic fans of the time.

The man wore a homoerotic outfit that was second only to Superman’s spandex and his arch nemesis Loki was a character that reflected homophobic stereotypes of the time. Loki was effeminate and always scheming. Neither Thor or Loki would ever hold down a relationship for a significant period of time and it looked like Loki was checking Thor out at every chance he got. Thor, being dumb as a rock, would never get the less-than-obvious references to his adversary’s sexual orientation. It made for good comedy for those in the know.

Now, as for the project, there are many problems I see with it. The best of the Marvel projects have already been given the film treatment. Right now Marvel is scraping the bottom of their creative barrel to come up with good stories. Think about it, if Thor’s story was good — wouldn’t they have made a movie already? It sounds to me as if, and I could be wrong, that they’ve moved on to their 3rd and 4th tier projects. And Thor is one of them.

Now Natalie taking it on is a different issue entirely. While I would love to see her to do a comic film, she’s wrong for this role. The guy playing Thor will look like Arnold and it’ll look like he’s smothering her when she embraces him. Natalie’s size will make any up close intimacy between the 2 look quite funny.

The director is good but maybe this is his sellout film? Natalie worked with other great directors and the projects were projected to be huge but they ended up with mixed results. And if this is a sellout film….maybe they gave Natalie an iron-solid offer she couldn’t refuse.

If this is a ‘money movie’ then I guess she can get away with it. But it won’t do much for her career. The actor list is interesting. They’ve been able to throw around some interesting names, Jude Law and De Niro were mentioned but that’s since been dismissed as rubbish. And now Sir Anthony Hopkins has thrown his name in with the movie. So you never know, the movie does have solid talent behind it, I will give it that – but again, that won’t guarantee a good result. It’s got the acting muscle now its up for the director and writers to come through on their side. And that’s where I’m very skeptical of this project’s commercial viability.

So let’s cross our fingers and hope for the best, but keep in mind, if you lower your standards enough, everything turns out acceptable……

My projections: it’ll be a really expensive movie that’ll bomb and will barely make it’s money back. But again, let’s wait till it comes out to give a final verdict.

Later this week I’m going to do a Thor expectation poll and I’ll keep doing one every time big news about the project comes out. We’ll track the results on a graph so aside from seeing how/if Spoonbat’s opinion will change, we can also follow how the expectation amongst Natalie fans shifts over time.