Live Blogging The Oscars

I have risen from the dead. Let’s do this thing and please do feel free to comment along like crazy. Go team Annette! Wait, which one are we supporting again?

– ARGH, they’re saying it’s still 30 minutes till this sucker begins? I woke up too damn early!

– Oh, but Natalie is on the red carpet. Score! It’s an amazing moment. People love the film. Lucky to get to learn to dance. Darren is “the bees knees”.

– Majorly awkward interview with James Franco. Christ, this guy is the host? Hope he can turn it on when it matters because that was painful.

– Mila Kunis wants Natalie to win. I was not prepared for such a surprising comment this early in the morning.

– Not sure if Rachel is going to make it but I’ve set up a temporary gallery for arrival photos.

– For the fashionistas – the dress is Rodarte, the earrings are Tiffany and the boyfriend is Millepied.

– Okay, this sucker is about ready to start. How long till Franco makes a severed arm joke? I’m going for 4 minutes.

– Billy Crystal style insertion of Franco and Hathaway into films. Some good moments and not so good moments so far.

– Franco in tights. Anne Hathaway is the Brown Duck.

– Back To The Future is nominated this year? I miss young Michael J Fox 🙁

– James poking fun at Anne for not being nominated. Anne jokes that nudity used to result in a nomination. Anne’s nakedness in Love and Other Drugs was no joke!

– That was pretty short on funny. Where’s Ricky Gervais when you need him?

– Tom Hanks presenting Art Direction. Inception please! And Alice In Wonderland is now an Oscar winner!

– If only Tim Burton’s films were directed as well as his sets.

– Cinematography…Inception or Black Swan please…Inception it is. Nice!

– Amy is suggesting on the forums, based on her ring, that Natalie and Ben might be already married. That can’t be true because I never got an invitation.

– Michael Douglas is looking better. Oh, wait, Kirk Douglas. How is this dude still alive and why are they dragging him out onto the stage. Oh my God, he’s “presenting” supporting actress.

– Go Amy Adams…or Hailee…and the winner is………………………………………………………………………………this is kinda funny now but Jesus this show is going to still be going by lunch time here. And the winner is Melissa Leo. Guess those ads didn’t hurt her as much as people thought.

– Melissa Leo drops an f-bomb. South Africa doesn’t care. That’s how we roll.

– Melissa Leo stole Kirk’s cane. Take that old man!

– That stuff on Mila Kunis’ boobs is enticing.

– Time for Best Toy Story and the winner is…Toy Story 3! I preferred Dragon. Dragons > Toys.

– I’m looking forward to the ad breaks more than the actual show. So far, worst Oscar broadcast that I can remember.

– Time for Adapted Screenplay. If anything but The Social Network wins I will lose my mind. The Oscar goes to…Social Network. Justice!

– Sorkin will not be deterred by the string section. What a pro.

– Original Screenplay up next. Please Inception please. That script brought me even more excitement than the film’s visual chops. And the Oscar goes to…The King’s Zzzzzzzzzzzz.

– Holy hell the writer of The King’s Speech is old. I think he was probably in his prime when the events of the film were happening.

– Anne Hathaway singing. Okay, this is good so far. Hugh Jackman will surely be joining her.

– No Hugh. Bah. James Franco in drag. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m not still asleep.

– Foreign Film time…go on you Dogtooth!!! And the winner is…In A Better World. Haven’t seen it but I do like Susanne Bier, who directed Brode, which went on to be adapted as Brothers.

– Best Supporting Actor time. Bale would be good. Hawkes would be amazing. Renner would be confusing. Ruffalo would be deserving. Rush would be annoying. And the winner is…Bale. Here comes a good speech.

– Bale makes fun of his on set outburst. Really great speech and I’m so glad he finally has an Oscar.

– Some people find it boring but I’m glad they spend time honouring film history. Star Wars theme is currently being belted out by the orchestra.

– Best Original Score…Social Network is the cool choice and would be totally deserving, but Inception’s score knocked me out and is so tied to the film. The winner is…Trent and Atticus for The Social Network. Mr. “I want to fuck you like an animal” is an Oscar winner. Hah!

– I’m getting so tired and Franco’s eyes aren’t helping.

– Inception wins Sound Mixing. Okay. Cool. Whatever.

– Inception wins Sound Editing. Okay. Cool. Whatever.

– What on earth is Cate wearing? It wouldn’t even look good on a table!

– Oscar winner The Wolfman! One of the most boring experiences I had watching a film last year.

– Two time Oscar winner Alice in Wonderland. The costumes seemed pretty great so I guess I can’t complain.

– Loved seeing a bit from Once in the Best Song montage. One of my favourite Oscar moments in recent years. The Best Song category is normally a wasteland of interesting music.

– I’m sorry but I hate Randy Newman’s songs for Toy Story. They have not got a friend in me.

– I unashamedly like Mandy Moore but that may be over unless this song ends soon.

– During the Globes I made a burger. This time around I’m having a banana. I hope Natalie is proud.

– “I should have gotten a haircut.” – Excellent. Well done person I don’t know. This is what the Oscars should be all about.

– This musical thing is bloody awful. Make it stop.

– Great documentaries last year. I almost don’t mind who wins…Inside Job it is. Totally worthy winner.

– “Not a single financial executive has gone to jail and that’s just wrong.” Damn right.

– I was never crazy as Billy Crystal as a host but I’d kill for him to be hosting this year.

– Visual Effects. Has to be Inception…and it is!

– Editing…Black Swan or Social Network please…and the winner is The Social Network!

– Have you guys checked out the gallery? Natalie hasn’t had cleavage that big since this.

– Florence and the Machine? Cool! Dido must have been too busy trying to find her career.

– Country music sensation Gwyneth Paltrow! Well, she’s at least as good as her husband, but that’s not saying much.

– Least Bad Song…and the “winner” is…Randy Newman. Oh joy.

– Celine Dion sings about smiling while a montage of dead people plays. For what it’s worth, Kirk Douglas is not listed.

– Lena Horne wins the MVP of dead people.

– Time for Best Director. Go Darren and Fincher. The winner is…Tom Hooper. Oh. My. God.

– It was looking like Social Network was coming back strong but Tom bloody Hooper winning director…it’s over folks. History will not be kind.

– Almost time for Best Actress. If she doesn’t win and Kings Speech wins Best Picture I will crawl into a hole for the next week.

– Natalie’s good luck charm Jeff Bridges announcing once again. Here we go guys and girls.

– Nice clip for Annette. Very strong performance. She’s the redhead right?

– Wow, Nicole looks pretty.

– Natalie’s love for the craft shines through, says Jeff Bridges. They play the “he picked me mommy” clip.


– Ben leads her to the stage. “This is insane.” She’s in awe of her nominees. Grateful to do the job. She’s finally tearing up. Thanking parents and her team and her friends and “everyone who ever hired me”. She mentions Besson and Nichols. Blessed to work with Darren every day. Thanks those who helped her train for the role. “My beautiful love, Benjamin Millepied, who has now given me my most important role”. Thanks all the lesser crew roles. She kept it together but it was definitely the most moved she’s been during the season.

– Natalie’s win killed the server. In the meantime, Colin Firth won Best Actor. Wouldn’t have been my choice but the guys a class act and gave a great speech.

– Spielberg points out the great films that didn’t win Best Picture in their years. I think Social Network will be joining that list.

– Best Pictures goes to The Kings Speech. Epic fail, Academy, epic fail.

– Okay, as the sun hits the mountain outside, I’m going to head back to bed. Thanks to Rach and Celia for keeping me company. Thanks to you guys for following along. And congratulations to Academy Award winner, Natalie Portman.