PORTMANIA starts today!! but don’t worry! It’s only five days!! we can get through this together!
This year in PORTMANIA Natalie Portman turns 35. As mentioned last year, this makes her qualified to run for president of the United States. and since PORTMANIA is 18 it can actually vote for her!
And So NataliePortman.com proudly presents:
NATALIE PORTMAN FOR PRESIDENT!!
I thought last year maybe we should wait until the 2020 election, but I don’t think we can wait. There might not be an Earth left in 2020.
we’ll discuss more inside. AFTER The JUMP.
is everyone okay?
PORTMANIA 18 is a celebration of all things PORTMAN of the Natalie-kind in honor of her birthday on June 9th. topics for future discussion:
Shaving Your Head!
Boys Named ALF!
today’s Topic? PRESIDENT PORTMAN!
alright. let’s start off with a pros and cons of Natalie running for president!
first we’ll do the pros…
PRO: She’s a Harvard Graduate who knows how to spell!
PRO: She would be fair and balanced to all!!
PRO: Everyone would like her!
PRO: She was in Star Wars!
PRO: I would actually want to watch State of the Union addresses! and I would have to assume a lot of other people would, too.
PRO: Probably won’t have free college tuition, BUT Free Ice Cream?! TOTALLY DOABLE!!
PRO: She would be the youngest president ever elected as well as the first female US president. HISTORY!!
now for the cons…
CON: No new Natalie movies for at least 4 years.
CON: Anakin Skywalker was totally for her ruling the galaxy while he murdered everyone opposed to her! not the best endorsement.
CON: The job ages you Pre-Maturely!
eh, he actually doesn’t look that bad.
CON: Hillary Clinton will say she’s ripping off her “first woman president” idea. she might have a point.
CON: I still wouldn’t want to watch State of the Union addresses. I don’t know who I was kidding.
I think the pros outweigh the cons. LET’S DO THIS!!
and Natalie’s first act as president would be to make PORTMANIA a national holiday! instead of one we made up. and people would think “is this really necessary? to make a holiday for yourself as the very first thing?” and to those people we say “SHUT UP!!”
now we need a slogan that we can all stand behind and chant at rallies and whatnot. hmmm. how about “WE WEAR SHOES; PORTMANIA CAN’T LOSE!”
THAT’S RIGHT. we’re PRO-SHOES here and the Natalie Portman CAMP. if you got a problem with shoes WE Don’t CARE.
now we have to address the elephant in the room. his name is gary. HELLO GARY!
it goes without saying Gary is voting for Nat in the upcoming election and he brings with him not just the elephant vote but also tigers and seagulls.
and yes. Gary is not wearing shoes. but he’ll come around. GET ON BOARD, GARY.
and that’s how PORTMANIA starts. and this is how DAY ONE ends. with a shoeless elephant. MORE useless garbage on the way. like the strange case of the 13 year old boy who looked like Natalie!! and MORE! right now, I have to go figure out how to register PORTMANIA to vote. please be safe for the rest of the day. hum some songs!