Celebrate PORTMANIA!

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it’s the never right, always late, slightly boring, no good very bad PORTMANIA! DAY 3! and Guess what that means! 6981!

The DAY of BIRTH of the Star of PORTMANIA 21 is HERE! 38 years ago Natalie Portman was born! we’re pretty sure this happened. and we’re pretty sure today is the DAY!


Let’s get to it!

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PORTMANIA Begins Again

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The time has come for the most fantastical PORTMANIA Part 21 to START!

That’s right! The ever increasing disappointment of PORTMANIA continues for one more year!

Natalie’s birthday being this Sunday we’re bringing you three fun filled days of gratuitous praise for notre déesse! AND ALSO fact-filled looks to the past in PORTMANIA HISTORY! Join us, won’t you?

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What Natalie Portman Said About Moby in 2000

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The “he said, she said” situation that has arisen from Moby’s passages about dating Natalie Portman in his new book appears to be calming down thanks to Moby’s recent apology on Instagram.

“I also fully recognize that it was truly inconsiderate of me to not let her know about her inclusion in the book beforehand, and equally inconsiderate for me to not fully respect her reaction.”

Earlier this month Natalie revealed to Harper’s Bazaar that she was less than thrilled with Moby’s account of the story. Saying:

“I was surprised to hear that he characterized the very short time that I knew him as dating because my recollection is a much older man being creepy with me when I just had graduated high school.”

To underscore the point even further, Sanjiro found an interview from 2000 where Natalie already pours cold water on the dating aspect of their relationship. But certainly indicates that they shared a strong connection.

An exception is techno darling and fellow animal lover Moby, whom Natalie met backstage at a gig in Austin, Texas. “I loved his album so much and I told him so,” she says. “It’s funny because he told me later that he didn’t recognize me, he just thought I was cute. When I left, we exchanged fax numbers and faxed five-page letters every day for two or three weeks. Then we changed to e-mail. We hardly ever see each other, but we communicate a lot.” 

I mention that in a recent interview, Moby hinted at a romance between them. “He did? No, he didn’t.” She lays down her spoon in shock. “We’re going to have a talk, then,” she says in her best school-marm voice, “because that’s not ture. Not at all.” She resumes knocking back dessert, and in tones as dreamy as her caramel cake adds, “I love Moby, but it’s more intense than a romance. It’s a really good friendship. A soul connection.” 

She collapses into giggles as she confides, “He brags to me all the time. He rings up and says, ‘My record’s number one in England. I beat Santana.'” 

Do they compare notes on worldwide fame? “He likes it a lot more than I do, because he was a dork at school and he’s getting back at everyone now, which is a different kind of motivation.”

Hopefully that’s the end of that.

Vox Lux in Blu-ray

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Vox Lux was shown in very few American theaters in December. Fortunately for the fans of Natalie who did not have the opportunity to see it, the film will be released on Blu-ray and VOD on March 5th. This is the cover (and the back) of the edition:

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Vox Lux: TIFF Review

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Vox Lux screencapture

I was lucky enough to attend the two Natalie screenings that took part at the Toronto International Film Festival, and am going to give thorough spoiler free reviews. Keep in mind that I will still be describing these two films (The Death and Life of John F. Donovan, and Vox Lux), so these reviews might be a little bit spoiler heavy, despite the strict intention of not giving away specific plot details.

Without further adieu, here is a review of the surprise hit Vox Lux by Brady Corbet.

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The Death and Life of John F. Donovan: TIFF Review

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The Death and Life of John F Donovan screencapture

I was lucky enough to attend the two Natalie screenings that took part at the Toronto International Film Festival, and am going to give thorough spoiler free reviews. Keep in mind that I will still be describing these two films (The Death and Life of John F. Donovan, and Vox Lux), so these reviews might be a little bit spoiler heavy, despite the strict intention of not giving away specific plot details.

Without further adieu, here is a review of the long anticipated Xavier Dolan film The Death and Life of John F. Donovan.
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Q on CBC Interview

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It seems that Natalie did a lot of interviews at the Toronto festival last week. This time we have one for Q on CBC, in which she analyzes in depth Vox Lux and all the themes of the film:


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In the absence of set photos of Noah Hawley’s film, we have a couple of tidbits to finish the week…

-E.K. Johnston (author of ‘Ahsoka’) is writing a new Padme novel called Queen’s Shadow, and this is the (great) cover, unveiled at the San Diego Comic Con:

More after the jump:

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Pale Blue Dot Updates

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Natalie Portman’s next film, which should start filming any day now, is Pale Blue Dot from director Noah Hawley (Fargo TV series).

Well, it seems Pale Blue Dot was a placeholder title for the psychological drama about a returning female astronaut. What will the film actually be called? Your guess is as good as mine but we’re going to keep calling it Pale Blue Dot until a new title emerges.


In casting news, it has just been announced that Colman Domingo (Fear the Walking Dead) and Jeremiah Birkett (LA Confidential) join Natalie, Jon Hamm, Zazie Beetz and Dan Stevens.


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So Here is a Birthday video!!

We’re pretty sure we got all the facts right on that. ALTERNATIVE FACTS!!

It was 3 seconds ago when Natalie was 37 that she STOOD by a chair

and she thought “I’ve sat on enough rocks! It’s time to STAND! Yes. Everything in the world is happy and good for a second.” THIS SECOND.

and we just missed it!


We love PORTMANIA! We put our hearts and souls into it. or bone marrow and gallbladders? one of those vital bodily systems we can’t live without!! and now it’s over for another year! but we can KEEP PORTMANIA with us, all through the year. by spreading PEACE AND LOVE. by Registering our feelings and using our Voice. Next time a guy cuts you off in traffic yell “HAPPY PORTMANIA A-HOLE!!” He’ll stop and think and maybe pay more attention to his driving! Change is coming friends. GENERATION PORTMANIA!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATALIE, her mom, her son, johnny depp, AND EVERYONE WITH GALLBLADDERS. and the people that have had to remove their gallbladders: YOU STILL BELONG! sure, we’re not going to invite you to the gallbladder convention this year, but that’s understandable, right? you don’t have a gallbladder anymore, man!

That’s it for the week folks! hope you had a good time and hugged a few trees

Thanks to DAZZA for having me back, Thanks to you for reading, Thanks to Natalie for being born.

All we are saying is…



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What’s up PORTMANIANS! It’s Day 4 of our preposterous, absurd, bizarre, crazy, fanciful, fantastic (also fantastical), foolish, insane, nonsensical, unreal, wild Journey to Natalie’s Birthday.

It was 23 years ago when Natalie was 14 and she sat on a rock to forget about life for awhile.

Not much is happening this PORTMANIA but that’s okay, because PORTMANIA is about punching your mailman in the face!!!


and now it’s time to shine a spotlight on the most reliable go to every PORTMANIA…

Nat Dogs!

There have been three Nat Dogs that we know of




and there was also this Unnamed Dog


Tomorrow is of COURSE The DAY we’ve been waiting for and all this comes to an end! Natalie will be officially one year older than last year. But if you think about it that happens every day. I’m officially one year older than i was last year on this day. So we should celebrate every day as an anniversary of last year!!! I’m going to go eat some toast!



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PORTMANIA 20 Day 3 is here and fabulous is a word to describe it!

On this PORTMANIAN Day we’ll educate and celebrate!!

A lot of questions pouring in asking “What Is PORTMANIA?” That’s a hard question to answer. But we can tell you what PORTMANIA is NOT! And so DAZZA made a video to help explain our position to YOU…

NOW WE know

also questions pouring in about how to get Grass stains out of blue jeans. I don’t know. You need to google it.

It was 13 years ago when Natalie was 24 that she got a scooter and rode around town. She then turned it into a bag of some sort she could carry around. It was a marvel and everyone loved it. Then she grew out of her scooter phase and started drinking Snapple a lot.

Wait. now that i look at it, I don’t think that’s Natalie Portman. …Is it? um. was this Story UNTRUE!??!??

Moving on, let’s look at NATALIE ACTION FIGURES! It’s something to do at least…

WELL? Anything else to do on this PORTMANIA?! No.

TOMORROW will continue with PORTMANIA Day 4! will we survive til then?! Hopefully!!!


It’s a PORTMANIA thing

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Parents just don’t understand!

PORTMANIA Day 2 is HERE. We’ve now had 20 PORTMANIA Day 2s!

Today’s Day 2 is going to be about NEVER DOUBTING YOURSELF!

NEVER DOUBT! unless you doubt you could survive jumping in front of a train. you should probably doubt that. and other stuff too. Maybe Doubting is GOOD!

New Lesson of the day: DOUBT YOURSELF SOMETIMES. But Not Always! You’ll figure it out!

Now let’s go back to the PORTMANIA PAST!

It was 16 years ago when Natalie was 21 and she looked around at the world and decided “I want 26 hamsters RIGHT NOW!”

not sure what was going on in her life right then, but she knew what she wanted.

“But Natalie!” Her friends yelled, “You can’t possibly take care of 26 hamsters right now!”

Natalie thought about this and agreed. “Fine. Then I want to wear MITTENS on my FEET!”

and she did.

The point of the story is i have no point to the story. and mittens are not practical footwear. and that’s why someone made THESE:

Now THAT is a good PORTMANIA gift! This is the best DAY 2 EVER!

There’s other stories i could tell, too. Like 12 years ago when Natalie was 25 and she drank a glass of water!

That’s a good one. She drank the whole thing!

That’s it for DAY 2! TOMORROW will be, if numerology is at all to be trusted, DAY 3! DON’T BE LATE!



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It’s the second week of JUNE:

In case you don’t know, this is PORTMANIA.

It was 20 years ago that Natalie Portman was 17. She looked around at the world and said “This could be better. Why don’t we have a celebration of everything great in the world and it could be all about ME!!”

Lauren Holly loved the idea.

Luckily we had our Naked Spy there and we were able to steal it for ourselves. We would take a week in June to honor the actress we like. It would end every year on her birthday. and we called it PORTMANIA. It took us a few tries to get it right, this is the 20th time. We’ve really worked out the kinks. THIS TIME we got it right. THIS TIME no one needs to dress up as a cow, unless, of course, they want to. No one will be forced to do anything.

I’m sorry about that, DAZZA.

PORTMANIA 20 a 5 Day Celebration of Natalie starts now. Hopefully this is not confused with Chi-Chi’s Celebration of Food. We can almost guarantee that this week will not end with an outbreak of hepatitis A.

As everyone knows Natalie is Vegan. So to get things started on the first day here is an article about how to make Natalie’s favorite Vegan Foods! Now we can eat for a week without harming animals! THIS IS PORTMANIA!

Tomorrow PORTMANIA continues with DAY 2! DON’T MISS IT!

(Post Script to that earlier story: the NP.Com Naked Spy and Lauren Holly fell in love and married in 2003)


Boston Calling 2018

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Last year, Natalie was unable to attend the Boston Calling Festival, where she was going to present a “cinematographic experience” curated by her. Well, it looks like she is going to be in the Boston Calling next May, serving as a host and curator for a “series of special programming” at the fest. More info on the Festival page:

PORTMANIA is painless

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Let’s do the Charlie Awards first!

The first Category for today is Best Wallpaper and the winner is from Celina!

EXTRAORDINARY, Celina! you must be a professional! AND you can schedule for last December!

the next category is for the BEST DRAWING and it’s a big win for Andrew and his drawing…

EXCELLENT, Andrew! You must be an artist!

and that’s the only two for today! More Tomorrow of course!!!

now let’s talk about a common problem among people of the world currently…

So you really want to PORTMANIA but your dad says “No.” what should you do?


Step 1: show him Natalie Portman Movies. There’s like 30 of them. Start with The Professional. This will help him realize that she is the BEST ACTRESS EVER.

Step 2: Show him the various Natalie Portman interviews from the many years of her being a celebrity. This will help him realize that she is the BEST PERSON EVER!!

Step 3: Sing him a PORTMANIA song. you can do this by making one up or by singing one of the many official PORTMANIA songs. there are no official PORTMANIA SONGS.

Step 4: Put a cow in his bathroom. This will show him that all animals are equals and they have a right to be everywhere you as a human being are allowed.

Step 5: Show him NataliePortman.Com This will show him many people agree with your philosophies and he’s an idiot for not agreeing.

Step 6: Remove the cow from the bathroom. You’re dad is going to be really upset with this. and he has a right to be. i was way off on the “cows are human beings” thing.

Follow these simple steps and your Father will lose all respect for you! that’s what we were going for right?

now we can all get on with our days. let’s make this a good day by smiling and laughing at everyone you see! pointing is encouraged. Tomorrow will be the final FOUR categories of the Charlie Awards and NATALIE’S 36TH BIRTHDAY. let’s prepare for something amazing!!

PORTMANIA is the one that you want!!

PORTMANIA is better than you!

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It’s PORTMANIA 19 in 2017 that takes over 4 days when Natalie turns 36!

it’s true natalie will be 36 on friday and so to celebrate we’ll do PORTMANIA!

I know that the page has some bugs so some people will just have a blank page. But that should be worked out soon so I’ll just assume you can see me!!

Last year I tried to convince everyone to elect Natalie President. That didn’t happen. so this year won’t be so elaborate. I’ll give you the results to the Charlie Awards!!

and that’s it? yeah. that’s kind of it. What? you’re not happy with that?! we’re all on a slow ride to hell anyway. what can you do?

sorry to get you down. It’s PORTMANIA. Which is a time to celebrate! we all have to give up meat for a week but i think we can still eat fish sticks, right? is that how it works? i hope so cause i’m eating fish sticks RIGHT NOW!!!

ok that’ll be it for today. TOMORROW the first results to the Charlie Awards and MORE SURPRISES. (surprises usually turn out to be me forgetting my pants.)

PORTMANIA is here to STAY!!

Charlie Awards – Best Editorial Photo

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It’s a bit later this year, in part due to wanting the awards season drama to end, but mostly due to laziness. Nevertheless, the annual Charlie Awards are where Natalie’s fans get to vote on the year in Natland.

We’re starting off with Best Editorial Photo. As always, please click the thumbnails to take in the full picture before casting your vote.

Best Editorial Photo

Total Voters: 288

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